Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
