Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
