Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
