he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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