I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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