Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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