It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
