I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
