dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My dick has a subreddit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
