Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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