What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
