Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm too high and old for this...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
