Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
