OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
