dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
