Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
