Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
high people should be assigned attendants
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
