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Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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