Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
