you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
