is your mom at the bar?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
