like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
