I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize