Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
