i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
how does that bad decision feel?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
