i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
