At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
