Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
