I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
