I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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