i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
