Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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