And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You pole danced in your parka.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I believe in your delicious
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
