Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
