Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
