My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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