Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
