is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
