Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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