Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
