I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I had to cum in my sink.
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