mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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