Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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