evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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