we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize