So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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