a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
