Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
