Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
