but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
