the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
