Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
