She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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