he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
