so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
