Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
