turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
