there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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