I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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